Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
