I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
