i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
