i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My dick has a subreddit
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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