1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
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I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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