I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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