2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
