Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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