Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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