I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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