like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
