is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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