We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
