I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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