her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
