I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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