I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
