hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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