just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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