i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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