so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
