Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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