Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
