Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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