Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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