i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
