i don't like sucking hair
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
