yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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