I bet he comes in French.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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