Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
