Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
