He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
