You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
