So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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