I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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