If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
