You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize