i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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