Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
