Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
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Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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