thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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