I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
