It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
