i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
