i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
