i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
