HIV tests are more positive than that guy
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
