Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
