I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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