It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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