my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
