God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
