don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
