Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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