Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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