foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
