I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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