she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
