Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
