There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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