I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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