I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae