spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
