Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.