my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
