No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.