Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram