just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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