Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...