It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
COCAINE IS GR8