Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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