I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this boner is exhausting
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
