Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
