I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
