Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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