Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
