I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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