theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think i have two assholes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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