Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I accidentally had phone sex last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
