vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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