I can tuck mytits in my pants
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
